A friend asked me last week if having open heart surgery has been life changing.  I wasn’t really sure how to respond.  At the current time it feels as if it is my life  but I am confident that this time next year it will all be very different.

The last six months have been a bit of a roller coaster. First my best friend was diagnosed with secondary cancer. That completely took the wind out of my sails. Two months later I was diagnosed with severe aortic stenosis. Two months after my diagnosis I was having open heart surgery and now I have celebrated my mechanical valve’s one month birthday.

So I suppose one thing that has changed is that things can change. Suddenly.

I don’t want it to be life changing. Unlike many that have OHS it wasn’t a wake up call to change my lifestyle. I want to recover and then continue from where I left off.

But some things have changed. I now tick. Just like  Captain Hook’s nemesis. Or maybe click is a better description. I am told you get use to it but at the moment I don’t  like it. And a lifetime of Warfarin means that any aspirations I may have had to play rugby have been thwarted. Fortunately I had no such aspirations but knowing that you can no longer do something does bring its own feelings of bereavement. Plus I have a 9 inch scar (yes I have measured it) running through my cleavage.

What has really hit me for six is the mental challenge of recovering from heart surgery. I knew that cardiac patients are particularly prone to depression and anxiety but I was still unprepared for the feelings of vulnerability and what can sometime verge on paranoia about my health. Every palpitation could be a fatal arrhythmia, a headache is a brain haemorrhage due to too much Warfarin and I can’t tell you how many times I have felt my scar is about to burst open like something out of  Alien. 

My life seems to revolve around blood tests. My Warfarin levels remain very unstable. On Thursday it was too high but on Saturday it was far too low. On Monday I attend a cardiac rehabilitation assessment. My life is just so exciting.

A friend who has also had OHS did tell me that it can have a silver lining. For her it was the discovery of exercise which she now loves. I think for me it is the amazing support I have received from my family and friends. This came in many different ways from the very practical offers of advice, lifts (no driving for at least 6 weeks),  walking with me, the texts and messages that kept my morale up whilst in hospital and the flowers and cards that keep on coming.

One month after surgery my life is focused on recovery.  I am told that it takes about eight weeks to start feeling normal. Hopefully I can start 2016 where I left off three months ago.