It is now over 18 months since I had open heart surgery. The memories of that time are beginning to fade although some don’t soften with time. The shock and disbelief on being told I had a serious heart condition. The fear I felt as I was being wheeled down to theatre. And some become rose-tinted as time passes. I occasionally read the blogs I wrote during my recovery to remind myself that at times it was challenging and scary. And of course I remember the love and support I received from my family, friends and colleagues.

As the memories start to fade so does my scar. It is quickly becoming a white line that   divides one boob from the other. I hardly notice it and I am fairly confident that hardly anyone else does. Although I’m sure that there are not many people looking at my 58-year-old chest. And for the record I haven’t smothered it with lotions and potions. I just kept it clean and ate well. There is actually very little evidence that even the most popular scar reduction serum actually works.

One thing that doesn’t fade is the click of my mechanical heart valve. It drives my daughter mad. Anyone would think I am clicking just to annoy her. But most people don’t hear it. And it has to be really quiet for me to be aware of it. When I do I find it quite comforting. I can still remember the whooshing of my heart murmur as my heart struggled to overcome the stenosis. The clicking feels strong and purposeful.

The only constant reminder I have is the drugs I am on. Warfarin and a beta blocker. Both limit what I can do. But if this is the only legacy of the surgery then I have a lot to be grateful for. And while Warfarin is for life I am hopeful that I may be able to come off the beta blocker this year. And then I may speed up a bit. I sometimes am tempted to wear a t-shirt that explains ‘I’m slow – it is the drugs not my age’. Of course I may just be slow. Only time will tell.

So 18 months on I am feeling good. I am running. I couldn’t run before the surgery without becoming light-headed. And I am now lifting more weight than I was before the surgery. My chest is strong. I have been back to work a year. I have come a long way and I intend to go even further.