My blog last week generated a fair number of comments. As a blogger views and comments are our gold and most are very welcome. And all the comments were very positive but a number congratulated me on being brave. Was I? I certainly didn’t feel as if I was when I wrote it. Being brave suggests some element of risk. Had I taken a risk? And if I had what was the risk?

Had I diminished myself by admitting that I had been bullied or that I have moments of anxiety. I know, not just from my personal experience but as a trade union representative, that there is an element of shame attached to being bullied. Many don’t even recognise the behaviour they are being subjected to as bullying. It can be quite a shock to them when it is given a label.

And it can be a very personal experience as to how the behaviour makes you feel. Throughout my working life I have encountered many people that have tried to bully me. They did not succeed. I felt that I was immune. But at the age of forty the planets aligned. 

Too many years have now passed to objectively consider how it happened. A few people were aware of it. Some were also being bullied. But otherwise I kept it quiet. I was ashamed. I believed I was a strong woman. I wasn’t. Or maybe I was and still am as I got through it. And now can write about it. 

My take home message from this is that it can happen to anyone.
Or was I brave admitting to feelings of anxiety albeit only on waking. Again I think not. We are now being encouraged to talk about these issues. As part of Mental Health Awareness Week I watched the Nadia Hussain’s (2015 winner of GBO) account of her experience of anxiety. It was harrowing. She was consumed by it. I can only imagine what that must be like if my transient feelings continued post porridge. 

And dare I suggest that declaring that one experiences anxiety is now the prerogative of the young. It may be fine for an instagram influencer to come out as a sufferer. It will probably increase their income and their followers. But for a baby boomer to do the same is received with a suspicion that you are a step or two away from the slide into dementia. 

So I don’t know. I didn’t feel brave when I wrote the blog. If I have been diminished in the eyes of some that is their problem. And if I ever start experiencing incontinence I will write about that. So be afraid. Be very afraid.