This was a question in preparation for a career coaching course I did a few weeks ago. This was one question of many to get me thinking about how well I knew myself including my goals and aspirations. The answers were for my eyes only. A few of the questions were challenging and uncomfortable. It would have been so easy not to answer them. I would have stayed safe. But it is only when you put yourself outside your comfort zone do you learn about yourself allowing yourself to grow and develop. And knowing yourself is an important prerequisite to being a successful coach. So I answered the question honestly. How would you have answered?

A couple of weeks later a Facebook post by the son of a good friend of mine. A beautiful post applauding how proud he was to call her his mum. He referred to her as selfless. The dictionary definition of selfless is ‘concerned more with the needs and wishes of others than with one’s own’. The opposite of selfish. 

Am I selfless? No. Who is the most important person in my life? That would be me. Does that me sound like a selfish monster? I hope not.

Of course this doesn’t mean that I don’t occasionally put the needs of others before my own or that I don’t have important people in my life. But there must come a time in your life when you start prioritising yourself. And I’ve arrived there. 

There have been long periods of my life where my needs have taken second place to those of others. As a mother of young children they were the most important people in my life. And I hope I was selfless. Well they survived. And I survived the sleepless nights, the very early mornings and the most excruciating parties and trips to the cinema. I can recall asking my husband as I planned a trip to the cinema to see a mind numbing children’s film if he wanted to come along. ‘ No, I don’t fancy seeing that’. In what universe did he think that I wanted to? As a mother of young children selfless becomes your middle name.

Work was my refuge. Fortunately I loved it and it was where ‘mum’ didn’t ring in my ears. 
For a short period I found myself sandwiched between the needs of my children (the youngest was nine) and my very ill mother. Not an unusual situation for us older mothers. I had my second child at the age of thirty-ninety. This was a difficult time. Particularly as I had relied on my mum for childcare. So juggling a full time job and caring for my mother and children was challenging. I wasn’t doing this alone but even so there was no ‘me’ time. I wasn’t the most important person. 

Move on a decade. My children are grown up. I’ve no elderly parents to care for. My husband is low maintenance. Now is the time for me. 

If I’m lucky I may have another two decades on this planet. There is a lot I want to do, a lot to see and a lot to experience. The only person that is going to make it happen is me. 

Of course this doesn’t mean that I don’t do things I’d rather not. My dog is a good example. The relationship with my dog isn’t great. He has failed to read the manual on having those desirable canine characteristics that us humans expect. There is nothing relaxing about walking him. He may run off. He may eat the lunch of the rough sleeper in the park. He may be attacked by a dog he has annoyed. It’s an anxious time. But every working day, at 5.30 am, in the cold and the dark, I take him for a walk. I don’t want to it but he needs it. This must count as a selfless act. 

So what does being the most important person in my life look like. 

I prioritise my health and wellness. At the age of 60 I’m at my fittest. I run, I lift weights and do burpees. I also haven’t been this lean for decades. 

I have a bucket list. My 70 for 70. I loved my 60 for 60. I did things with others, on my own but alway for me. 

I am going to retire from full time employment at the age of 62 so I can pursue other interests. 

I say no to things I don’t want to do. Well apart from walking my dog. 

Of course it may not last forever. Life can throw a spanner into our aspirations. But I will enjoy it for as long as I can.