What have you done today to make you feel proud. A 2000 Helen Small song that was adopted as the theme for the UK Olympic bid a few years later. A few blogs ago I wrote about doing something everyday that scares you. Well that isn’t going to happen. My lifelong Warfarin prescription makes that fairly difficult. But I still do things that make me a little nervous. Climbing a mountain in the dark being a good example. And that made me feel proud. So are the two intrinsically clinked?

Certainly some of the proudest moments of my life have followed a period of anxiety and nervousness. The promotion, the successful presentation, a live tv interview that went well, a 110kg deadlift, a half marathon. 

It may seem a little absurd but I get nervous before a personal training session. I know I will be pushed hard, I will feel uncomfortable. But it can lead to great things such as that deadlift. I always leave a PT session on a cloud. 

But not all my proud moments have been preceded by nervousness. 

I was travelling home from a work event a couple of days ago. Sitting on a train. Preparing for a one to one with my line manager the following day. I was reflecting on what I had achieved over 2019 but I was struggling to grab onto anything. I had delivered on my objectives, I had worked hard but I couldn’t think of anything that was particularly significant. And then I received a twitter notification. ‘Fabulous article by @DeniseRCM’. Of course. I’d forgotten about that one. 

One Twitter notification I was feeling proud. A 2019 achievement. 

Sometimes we do great things but quickly move on so fail to  appreciate what we have done. 

But was it a proud moment that was preceded by nervousness? No, of course not. It was on an issue that I’m very familiar with. The only challenge was keeping it within the word limit. Was I worried as to how it would land? I don’t think so. Getting affirmation from someone I admire was the cherry on the cake.

Many of my proud moments are to do with my job. I am lucky to have been in a position most of my working life to have the opportunity to have those proud moments. And they have defined me. My job is who I am. So what is going to happen when I retire which I intend to do in 2021. 

I have to admit it makes me feel a little nervous. I know it is the right thing to do. I want to do something different. But will I miss my ‘proud’ fix? Or will I find it in my encore career. Better still to find it in my everyday life. So here are today’s ‘proud’ moments:

• I wrote this blog. Most of it before a visit to the vet where I was told that Oscar’s latest lump is also a mast cell tumour. Not good.
• I went for a run in the park even though it was raining. 
• I haven’t killed my husband. His sniffing is driving me demented. He’d be so at home on the underground during the morning commute.
• I have stuck to my macros. I have reduced my body fat by 6% since June. Just another 1% to go.  But I bought a bottle of salted caramel Irish liquor this morning so I may experience a little wobble later.

Not too bad. And there’s always tomorrow.