My employment status is now ‘retired’. I’m one week into what feels like the biggest transition of my life.

It feels very strange and surreal. After investing so much into my working life it has now come to an end. For the moment at least.

I had a wonderful send off albeit virtual and remote. Courtesy of Covid -19. So many lovely comments, tributes and toasts. There were tears and not just mine. It was overwhelming but in a good way.

Two days later another celebration. I’ve alway considered myself as not someone who would have a surprise party thrown for them. But thanks to two friends and my daughter I became that someone. Courtesy of zoom. I spent the evening catching up with colleagues new and old, reminiscing, laughing, drinking and opening presents that my daughter had smuggled into the house.

I’ve received flowers, bubbly and so many gifts. I’ve now even got a star named after me. The most precious gift was a message and photo book full of messages from colleagues past and current.

But after the celebration it is now about carving out my new life. It is difficult to describe how I’ve felt during this first week. Elation that I left work on such a high. Excitement as to the opportunities ahead. Sadness that I’m walking away from a wonderful career. Concern that I may regret my decision. I’ve already had one ‘what have I done’ dreams. Bemusement that it currently just feels as if I’m on a staycation.

It feels that all the preparation I’ve done over the last few months seems now to count for very little. Not that I have to start again but there is still a long way to go. I’m told by friends that have already taken the leap that it can take months to settle into it.

I’m a great one for ‘to do’ lists for things to be done at weekends and days off. Berating myself if they aren’t ticked off. I need to move away from that mindset. To slow things down but at the same time retaining my purpose and my passions. A balance that may take time to achieve.

I have read with interest Jenni Murray’s retirement from Woman’s Hour. I’ve twice been interviewed by her. Once on obesity in pregnancy and on the second occasion midwives pay. Two highlights of my career.

I wonder what her balance will be.