I’m now 5 months into my retired life. It would be an understatement to say that it is not what I planned. But then we are living in very strange times.

Just over a year ago I wrote a blog as it had hit me that I’d moved from ‘I’m retiring the year after next’ to ‘ I’m retiring next year’. My biggest concern back in early 2020 was that I would miss work and would struggle to find a purpose in retirement. As it played out just months later I would take the plunge as a consequence of the world going mad.

A friend did recount his father’s experience of retirement when I posted that blog of it taking him six months to transition between leaving work and embracing the flexibility of retirement. And maybe that is what I’m doing. Maybe I can’t lay all my angst at the foot of a global pandemic.

One of the references I made in that earlier blog is how others that had gone before always looked ‘10 years younger’ after a few months of retirement. Well I certainly can’t claim that for myself. My hair hasn’t been cut for months, the last time I wore make-up was to attend a funeral, I’m rarely out of gym or loungewear and I’ve put on 8kg. My salvation has been exercise. So I can still deadlift over 100kg and run 5kms. I just don’t look particularly glamorous when I do. And it has been months since I have used a photo of myself as the feature graphic for my blog.

As we start the roadmap out of lockdown and with an appointment for my first jab in the diary do I write off the last five months or do I find the valuable lessons that can be learnt from starting my retired life in tiers and lockdowns.

As I mentioned in a previous blog I have engaged a professional coach to help me make sense of how I’m feeling. I’m not missing work. Which does surprise me as I was so committed to it. It was my passion. The enforced working from home assisted greatly in my moving away from it. But what I thought I would be enjoying is not creating a fire in my belly. And of course my aspirations to travel and explore have been serverly curtailed.

What is being challenged in my coaching sessions is my rigidity. When I was working my life was timetabled. It had to be to fit everything thing in. But I haven’t yet moved away from having a structure to my day. I’m holding onto it as though it’s loss would result in a meaningless existence. I’m also holding onto the mantra ‘two days earning, two days learning, 3 days having fun’. Even though I am questioning whether I want to earn money with all the restrictions and obligations that brings. And whilst I know there is further learning and training I want to pursue I’m adamant that this will only happen when it can be done face to face. I’m done with virtual training. As for three days having fun! I’m just keeping everything crossed.

In these difficult times maybe it is enough to have just kept it together. To have kept life going. I’ve obeyed the lockdown rules. I have trained most days being mindful that I need rest days. I’m now back in the 105kg deadlift club. I’ve a handful of coaching clients. I’m writing this blog. I’ve maintained contact with friends and family via zoom and WhatsApp. And maybe that is enough.

Do I count the last five months as part of my transition from life as a full time employee to a retiree. Yes but I’m going to need a bit more time to get there.