I’ve been retired from full time employment for two years. And what a two years it has been. The very worst of times sprinkled with joy and achievements.

I made a decision to retire, earlier than I had planned, in June 2020. We were emerging from a lockdown. Plans were in place to ‘eat out to help out’. But it looked as if working from home would continue. Three months of virtual meetings had taken their toll but at the same time I had glimpsed a life without the daily grind of the commute. So I handed in my notice. Completely oblivious to the fact that the pandemic had only just got going.

I retired at the end of September. My retirement party after 30 years was held on zoom with a promise that a ‘real’ celebration would take place once the restrictions were lifted.

I entered a retirement of tiers, lockdowns, LFTs, PCRs, Passenger Locator Forms. It is only on reflection that you can appreciate how difficult it all was. It was a dark time.

But I had always knew that I’d find retirement challenging. The loss of identity, the loss of having a project to deliver, the loss of daily contact with my colleagues. Doing it during a pandemic just magnified this loss. And they couldn’t be replaced by the freedom I was hoping for. Well at least not for the first few months.

And just as life started to get back to normal I became ill. An overactive thyroid drained my strength, my endurance and my concentration. The fatigue was awful.

But I’m now recovered. I have done some amazing things. I’ve climbed Carrauntoohil. I’ve walked with friends in Ireland, Wiltshire, Wales and Cornwall. I’ve been to Jamaica and Tenerife, I’m back at University doing a PGDip in Coaching, I’ve set up Coaches in Mind with a friend and ex-colleague, I’ve been interviewed for a podcast and signed up for Hyrox.

But it has taken time to move on from my career and mould a new life. And it is still work in progress. Yesterday my daughter asked me if I was doing too much. I am. I still haven’t got the balance right.

I want the encore career, I want to study, but I also want the flexibility to explore, to be curious, to have fun. I’ll get there.