In four weeks’ time I’ll be competing in Hyrox for the third time. Or will I?

My training is not going well. Despite increasing the amount of running I’ve been doing I’m not getting any faster. And according to my Apple Watch (although probably not the most accurate assessment) my VO2 max has dropped slightly. Looking on the bright side I’m maintaining and making small improvements in my strength work.

But Hyrox is a test of endurance with some weights thrown in. I was aiming to reduce my time significantly. From 2:26 to <2 hours. But to achieve this I need to run faster and that just isn’t happening.

There are two possible reasons why I’m not getting faster:

Number 1: my training isn’t up to scratch. Maybe I’m doing too much steady state running (zone 2) and not enough interval training. Maybe I’m just not doing enough. Or I’m not going hard enough. And before anyone suggests I’m doing too much; I know what overtraining feels like, so I always prioritise rest and recovery.

Number 2: my ‘not completely normal’ heart. There are a number of structural issues with my heart. A hangover from the stress it was put under when I had severe aortic valve stenosis. But my cardiologist is happy for me to do what I do with no restrictions. And what I’m doing is hopefully keeping it as healthy as it can be. For every structural defect exercise is the ‘treatment’.

It could be that whatever I do I won’t get any faster. It is just where I am in my life. And I am fit. My heart metrics are fairly positive. My maximum heart rate is around 180 bpm, resting rate 60 bpm and my two-minute recovery is 55 bpm. My VO2 max, a measure of aerobic capacity, is currently 30.5 which is good for my age.

So, should I be bothered that I’m so slow? Should I just give up? Certainly not. But being slow with little prospect of getting faster is an uncomfortable place to be.

Very few women and men of my age exercise. Despite all the public health messages it is estimated that only 15% of people in my age group engage in regular exercise. And if social media is too believed they are either master athletes (Ironman, ultramarathons, CrossFit gymnastics) or have embraced a world of ‘gentle’ exercise. I don’t fall into either of these camps.

I do a lot of running. But I do it alone. The last time I ran with a group of people I was left so far behind I got lost. Humiliating. Although I do participate in Parkrun.

One of the good things about Parkrun, apart from not getting lost, is receiving an age grade after each event as well as your time and position. Age grading takes your time and uses the world record time for your sex and age to produce a score (a percentage). This score allows you to compare your personal performance against other people’s performances even though they might be a different age and a different sex to you – the higher the score the better the performance.

My fairly dismal position at Parkrun a couple of weeks ago was 278 out of 297. But my age grade (51.48%) would have put me at 179th. Not so dismal.

My other humiliation is doing a gym class where you get into pairs or groups. I’m transported back to the playground where I was always one of the last to be picked for a team. Eyes flick across the gym floor scanning for their friend or someone that looks like them. In the past I’d have found this mildly amusing as I knew that their preconceived judgment was wrong. Now they are right. I’m slow and I will slow them down. And I feel guilty about that, so I don’t do the class.

The hard truth, where exercise is concerned, is that the value placed on it, is not what you can do it is the speed you do it. It’s why endurance competitions are so popular. But there comes a time when, however fast you were, you will slow down. And if we only value speed it is likely, when we slow, that we will just give up. But the true value to our health and fitness is to continue doing what we can.

For example, burpees. The spawn of the devil but an exercise that is great for strength, mobility, stability, power and endurance. When I can no longer do my birthday burpees that is when I’ll describe myself as old. I’m proud that I can do them. But I’m slow. It took me about 10 minutes to complete my 64 birthday burpees. It took 13 minutes to complete 80 metres of burpee broad jumps in Hyrox last year. But those burpees have the same value whether I do them in 5 or 20 minutes.

Reading back through this blog my situation is a little disappointing. I am feeling a little upset about it. The saddest thing is that exercise use to be a social activity and now it’s not. Ten years ago, I was one of the fastest in the gym, but age and a couple of health issues now makes me one of the slowest. If not the slowest. So, my default is to train alone. Fortunately, I do enjoy my own company.

But doing all my endurance training on my own is not the best way to get faster. Having someone to chase would push the boundaries. But they would need to be in touching distance not disappearing over the horizon.

But I will, of course, persevere and I’ll consider other ways to improve my aerobic endurance and speed.

One thing I’m very proud of is my strength. I can still deadlift more than most women (and some men) in the gym. And unlike my endurance it doesn’t seem to be diminishing. I’m actually getting stronger.

It is this that boosts my self-efficacy. I am not going to give up. Although I may have to defer my Hyrox place.