Sometimes life insists that we slow down. 18 months ago illness forced an unexpected pause in my life. Yet within that pause I still found purpose and moments of productivity.  

The last 18 months have been tumultuous. A period of confusion, uncertainty and intense emotional upheaval. Yet at the same time, it has been productive and successful.

When Illness Forces a Pause

It was kicked off with illness. A relapse of Graves’ Disease, no doubt the result of becoming overwhelmed. I was co-writing a book chapter, starting a dissertation to complete my MA in Coaching and dealing with some personal challenges. I felt as if all the joy had been sucked out of my life.

Graves’ Disease can be brutal. I lost my strength and endurance, my weight dropped, my heart started doing some strange things and I felt  fatigued and disoriented. I had never felt so unwell. 

Stepping Away

Something had to give. I was committed to the book chapter and there was little I could do about the personal issues. But I could withdraw from university. So, I took a year off. And I started treatment for Graves’ Disease which, fortunately, I responded well to. And for a few short weeks I was optimistic that the personal issues had been resolved until they took a brutal turn for the worse. 

  Finding My Way Back

Six months in the book chapter had been completed, and my Graves’ Disease was stable. I regained my strength and managed to celebrate my 66th birthday with 66 burpees and was back to a 100kg deadlift.

I started training for a half marathon which meant a lot of training runs in my local forest. It was glorious. But I had to acknowledge that I’d developed PTSD so started a course of therapy which did soften the hurt.

A Decision Revisited

In September I received a reminder that my temporary withdrawal from university was due to expire. My options were to return, extend the temporary withdrawal or permanently withdraw.

The thought of returning to a 15,000-dissertation felt overwhelming so after some thought I clicked on the permanent withdrawal button. 

A couple of days later my personal tutor, who had been informed of my decision, contacted me.  Did I want to have a chat to discuss it?

Why not. At the same time, I read a post on LinkedIn written by my course tutor. It was on the subject that was to be the focus of my dissertation. Out of nowhere I started to feel differently. The 15,000 words still felt daunting, but I felt excitement that I could contribute to the debate. 

I realise that I had been looking at the challenge of undertaking the dissertation through my overwhelmed 12-months-ago self. Things had changed. So, after I spoke to my personal tutor I withdrew my permanent withdrawal, requested a GP letter confirming that I was fit to return and pressed the return button. 

Six Months Later

Six months on I’ve completed my dissertation. It hasn’t been easy but I’m immensely proud of what I’ve done. Let’s hope the exam board feel the same way. 

At the same time, I’ve undergone radio iodine treatment.  Whilst it will not cure my Graves’ Disease, it will ensure that my thyroid does not become overactive again. I ran the half marathon and the book I wrote for has been published.

Pause. Purpose. Persistence.

It has been a year of pause, purpose and persistence. 

I had to pause when I became ill. Physically and mentally, I was damaged. I was weak and fatigued. I had to focus on my purpose. I couldn’t do everything. I needed to focus on recovery whilst at the same time completing the book chapter. I also continued coaching a number of my clients, but I wasn’t afraid of changing their session if I didn’t feel well enough. My strength started to return and I started running again. Finally, persistence. I ran a half marathon and I completed a dissertation. 

Illness forced me to pause, but the pause created space to reflect on what really mattered. Recovery didn’t mean rushing back to everything – it meant choosing carefully what deserved my energy.

I’m now looking forward to what comes next, building on everything this challenging but ultimately productive year has taught me.